Gone but not forgotten.

My life has blown up. BLOWN UP I tell you. I will be back next week. I promise. After soccer camp, girl scout meetings, days with grandma...........and other stuff that I can't say. :) Next week I PROMISE!

Thanks for checking in.

I have had puking kids and now out of town company is on it's way, so real life trumped blog life. I have not forgotten you and will get back to your questions. Maybe tomorrow (but don't hold your breath cause it could be Monday!)

Is living together a sin?

Dear MamaJo,

Is it a sin to live together if you aren't having sex? What if the man is impotent?

Maybe. Maybe not. Sin is a heart issue even more that it is a behavior issue. If you are living together like a brother and sister and it never ever goes anywhere beyond that........not sin. If you are living together, and though you never have sex, you dream about it constantly and you might as well be having sex......sin. Jesus did say "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28 NKJV). No doubt it is a high standard but it wasn't me who said it. :)

As to impotence, I don't think it is a player in the sin vs not sin here.

One more thing, if you are living with a person of the opposite sex, there are going to be those who assume you are having sex with them. If you are also dating that person, most won't believe you even if you say you are not. If that bothers you, don't do it.

As an aside, anyone else remember when Jimmy Carter referanced the above scripture. I bet that is something he wished he had never said.

All About Me

Several of you have sent in questions about me. I have decided that Saturday will be the day to answer these. Don't know how interesting it will be but hey, you asked the questions. :)

Dear MamaJo,

Do you ever raise your voice or yell?

Heck yeah! I am a yeller. I wish I weren't and I am working on it but, yeah, I yell.

Dear MamaJo,

What is your favorite thing to do when you have "MamaJo quiet time"?

I love to read - mostly the classics and children’s literature but pretty much anything. I love to watch movie - Netflix's instant viewing is the best thing since sliced bread. I dabble in music and I like to cook (but only when not under duress e.g. "Mom, what's for dinner"). Truth be told, most of my current free time is spent on the computer. (SHOUT OUT TO THE FCT)

Dear MamaJo,

What has been your all-time favorite children's book?

and from someone else

Dear MamaJo,

What's your favorite book and why?

The answer to both of these questions is the same book. Without question, the best book of all time is.........(putting on those little half glasses thingys and opening the envelope)

I weep every time I read it. It is a beautiful story of love and unlikely friendship. I read it to my twelve year old niece last time she was here and was so obviously moved and effusive about my love for the book that she felt the need to tell me, "My Mom usually reads books without pictures." (I need a laughing smilie). Such a person.

So, today you learned about me. You can wake up from your nap now.

The Eleven Year Old Conundrum

Dear MamaJo

What are some good ways to deal with a cranky 11 dd? She is always mad or irritated about something. I've trying to find ways to change her attitude.

I see two different things going on here and I will address the second one first. There is no way for you to change her attitude. It is hers and hers alone and you have absolutely no control over it. You may be effective in changing her behavior when she has a bad attitude but that will be the best that you can do.

Now, on to the first question. How do you deal with a cranky 11 year old? This subject is near and dear to my heart and I also have a cranky 11 year old.

Things I have tried that don't work. 1) Discipline 2) Ignoring 3) Make them do extra work 4) Let them take a break 5) Exercise

Things I have tried that did work. 1) Discipline 2) Ignoring 3) Make them do extra work 4) Let them take a break 5) Exercise

You may notice that the list is remarkably similar. I think that when the hormones start to kick in, it's a crap shoot. The key seems to be to keep your cool, do your best, and let them know that you love them. In the Bible it says (and I didn't look this up so this could very well be a MamaJo paraphrase) "Train them up in the way they should go and when they are OLD they shall not depart from it." I am hanging on to the word OLD here. My kids have a lot of time between now and OLD to depart from the way I want them to go.

Hang in there. It has the potential to get a whole lot worse before it gets better but who knows, maybe we will get lucky.

Petsitter

Dear MamaJo

I'm going out of town with my kids for 4 days later in the summer. I want to pay one of son’s friends, who is 14, to come feed the cats, take in the papers, etc. How much should I pay him and what all should I ask him to do? We NEVER travel so this is new to me.

I confess it. I am offically cheap. When we went out of town last weekend for a single night, my husband paid the twelve year old girl across the street $15 for taking care of our dog. I was outraged! But, as I have researched your question it turns out that $15 to $20 a night is pretty standard for a professional petsitter. That said, I still think it is too much to pay a kid. I found a couple of teens running pet sitting businesses and they seemed to be charging $7 to $12 per night, the price depending on the difficulty of the job. That sounds better to me. For a teen friend who lived down the street, I would be tempted to ask if there was anything he wanted from where we were going and leave it at that, but as I said before, I'm cheap.

What if my husband is gay?

Dear MamaJo,

What do you do when you think your husband is gay (and he is in denial)?

Honestly, and I know this may be hard to hear, I don't see what difference it makes. Sure if you are right and you play the scenario out in you head, there are a zillion horrible things that can come from it. That is true no matter what a husband struggles with. What if my husband falls for one of the seriously sexy nurses at the hospital he works at? Or even worse, one of the matronly ones? What if my husband drives too fast and is horribly maimed in a car accident? What if, what if, what if. It all falls into the category of making trouble before there is trouble and I am squarely against it.

I started to type all sorts of things about focusing on being a good wife but it sounded way too sappy and not my style. Plus, if you know me and my struggles with marriage, I might as well tattoo hypocrite across my forehead. If you are interested in that kind of thing you can find a thousand books on the topic.

So here are the things I can say without the tattoo. 1) If you are the praying sort, I would say this is the perfect situation to put that into play. 2) I know this is sort of a counter cultural thing to suggest but I would NOT talk with him about it. I was sort of a late bloomer in the dating area and my mother asked me if I was a lesbian when I was about nineteen. I wasn't and the question hurt. As I play it out in my mind, I can't see a positive outcome from that conversation.

There is one caveat to this rambling of mine. If you suspect that your husband is secretly on the low down with other guys, you need to take action. You must protect yourself from STDs.

Food And Diapers

Dear MamaJo,

I would like to know how I'm supposed to buy much needed food and diapers with no money?

This question was asked me tongue in cheek but I am going to take it seriously. Here are some of the options I am familiar with.

1) Check with your local community for food banks. Don't forget to call churches as many run their own programs. Google can be your friend here.

2) Angel Food Ministries is a great source for low cost, high quality food. This website will help you find one local to you. http://www.angelfoodministries.com/

3) Start a food bank at your own church. This way you can help yourself and others. Don't forget to call the local grocery stores and volunteer to pick up thier out of date bread and meat.

4) Call your local crisis pregnancy centers and see if they can help you on the diaper front. They may have some or some coupons.

5) Here is a website with a free pattern for making cloth diapers. Maybe you could find the materials at a thrift store. http://www.diaperjungle.com/sewing-cloth-diapers.html

I am certain there are way more resources and ideas than I know about. Maybe people will post them in the comments.

What about old journals?

Dear MamaJo,

I have a huge box FULL of old journals. I started journal-writing when I was 7. For MOST of my school years, I journaled almost daily. Some of those daily entries are pages and pages long. ALL my thoughts and feelings and experiences are logged in those notebooks.

I stopped journaling several years ago. I no longer felt the need. This doesn't bother me. I don't feel a loss.

I am tempted to get rid of my old journals. I know some of what I wrote in there and it was seriously embarrass me if anyone would ever read them. I am also ashamed of my attitudes in some of them.

I have considered their value in the future when my daughters might be going through stuff I went through, but at the same time, my girls are SO different from me. They are being taught differently than I was taught. They are more grounded in Scripture than I was. In many ways, they already seem far more mature than I ever was. Most of what I wrote in those journals I no longer agree with. Much of it is a bunch of hyper-emotional spew. I don't see how that could ever benefit anyone.

Is there some value in keeping them that I haven't considered?

I've thought of going through them all, reading everything, and only saving the pages that I like or feel have some significance or value. But I honestly don't think I could handle it. Digging up past feelings, failures, situations, etc. I just don't want to go through the emotion of it all.

I started to suggest trashing the whole lot, but then thought how I would feel if I found a box like that of things my mother had written. How wonderful that would be. Imagine getting to know your mother's thoughts from the time she was seven and seeing her progress into adulthood. I also totally get the feeling of embarrassment at seeing myself again at those ages.

So, here is what I would do. Go to the nearest Stuffmart and buy a Rubbermaid box. Without opening the journals, put them in order with the oldest ones on top as best you can. Put them in the back a closet. Somewhere where they will not assault you daily or weekly and the kids will never think to look. I would even write a letter to my children from time to time and tell them things that I would want them to know when I am no longer around. I would never mention the box to them.

What a blessing this will be to them when the time comes for them to sort through your stuff. It could even help them with thier grief of losing you. It can be one final act of being a terrific mom. As an added bonus, you will never have to look at those things again!

I'm stumped.

I was certain I had a ton of interesting things to say until I had a blank I was faced with an empty screen. I'll get back to you.