What if my husband is gay?

Dear MamaJo,

What do you do when you think your husband is gay (and he is in denial)?

Honestly, and I know this may be hard to hear, I don't see what difference it makes. Sure if you are right and you play the scenario out in you head, there are a zillion horrible things that can come from it. That is true no matter what a husband struggles with. What if my husband falls for one of the seriously sexy nurses at the hospital he works at? Or even worse, one of the matronly ones? What if my husband drives too fast and is horribly maimed in a car accident? What if, what if, what if. It all falls into the category of making trouble before there is trouble and I am squarely against it.

I started to type all sorts of things about focusing on being a good wife but it sounded way too sappy and not my style. Plus, if you know me and my struggles with marriage, I might as well tattoo hypocrite across my forehead. If you are interested in that kind of thing you can find a thousand books on the topic.

So here are the things I can say without the tattoo. 1) If you are the praying sort, I would say this is the perfect situation to put that into play. 2) I know this is sort of a counter cultural thing to suggest but I would NOT talk with him about it. I was sort of a late bloomer in the dating area and my mother asked me if I was a lesbian when I was about nineteen. I wasn't and the question hurt. As I play it out in my mind, I can't see a positive outcome from that conversation.

There is one caveat to this rambling of mine. If you suspect that your husband is secretly on the low down with other guys, you need to take action. You must protect yourself from STDs.